awak.

coretan malam. 

kita bukan manusia sempurna. jauh sekali mempunyai hidup yang sempurna. tiada satu pun yang sempurna dan, 

 "hidup tiada yang sempurna." 

buat insan yang menjadikan ayat itu sebagai status,

 aku tahu diriku sering menimbulkan perasaan marah dan kecewa terhadap dirimu. 

 aku tahu kesilapan yang aku buat tak mudah dipadam dengan sebegitu. 

 aku tahu kekecewaan mu tak mungkin dilenyapkan dengan pantas. 

tapi, 

 

perasaan sayang yang aku ada, tak pernah sikit pun berkurang. jauh sekali hilang. 

perasaan cinta yang aku ada, tak pernah sikit pun pudar, apatah lagi terpadam. 

hanya satu yang dapat aku janji, jauh di sudut hati aku akan sentiasa menunggu

kita kembali seperti dulu. 

walaupun aku mengaku, bukan sepanjang masa aku kuat, ada kala masa aku bersendirian, 

aku lemah, berhadapan dengan situasi seperti ini. 

aku cuba bertahan, demi perasaan sayang yang masih menebal. 

aku cuba. 

-penulis jalanan-

 

can we go to our dream back, pls

sometimes i wanted to tell the world, what is actually going on inside my mind. how does it feel, what actually i have been, on the other side. people nearby me were actually being like they never understand what i want. what kind of thing that can bring the joy in me.

girls-
  we might not understand ourselves. we said go when it actually mean come here. we said i dont care when it actually mean i care more than i did. everything we said where actually the plot twist. because girls, they talk first, think later. we talk using our mind, we feel using our heart. mind follow by heart. that is why when girls said something, think it back man. it may has a hint behind every word.

im a girl too. that is why, you dont understand me.



i love him. the way he is. he might not be the sweetest guy among all. but i chose him, on my own reason. he might not show to the world what love was really meant to us. but i feel it, between us. he is not even close to any 'dream type man' of the other girl. but i see him as one.

but i had made a mistake. asked him to let me go. no reason, no thirdwheeler, just with mixed and bloody fucking feeling at that time. i have done the non-longer-thinking decision.

28/12 - this date supposed to be the important date for me and him, but now, it fade. nothing left behind.

we both know, we still has the feeling for each other, but the ego win. for hundred times.
we both want to be together again, but the scariest past follow the dream.
we both try to fix the things, but the tremendous perception of unreal keep haunt.
we both wish that we can be like before, but-

we let Allah s.w.t do HIS job, for us.



-penulis jalanan-

geng ke gang gais?

hellooooooooooooo?!

say it back buddies, im listening from a far.


so, this night i wanna talk about something that we can relate in our life. but before that let me tell you something.

aku memang suka menulis. zaman moden menulis kita transform to menaip. so aku suka menaip. usia blog ni hampir 3 tahun if im not mistaken. and im leave it almost 1yrs but now i came back to do the comeback. Ya tuhan bajet retis yang menang anugerah lepastu muncul balik buat album. my post yang lama lama lama tu semua jiwang karat punya ayat jangan percaya tapi percaya satu benda ja yang sememangnya aku yang taip semua tu lahir dari otak. tu ja nak explain, ok jom.

back to the realistic.

have you ever been in the situation where you guys should make the decision whether to leave or to stay? dalam bahasa melayu, i translate ok. di luah mati mak di telan mati bapak.

if yes then yes we are geng or gang or ahh ape ejaan betul dia?!


dalam hidup kita ada pilihan, nak happy ke nak sedih, nak sakit ke nak sihat, nak bahagia ke nak derita, nak berjaya ke nak gagal. tapi pernah tak kita terfikir, dalam beribu pilihan yang kita ada, ada satu benda yang kita tak boleh lari daripada dia, that is TAKDIR. ok just imagine, sape je taknak berjaya, tapi kalau takdir dan tulis kita gagal maknanya itu bukan salah kita. hamba kerdil mana yang ada kuasa nak lawan takdir Allah?

pilihan memang ada. tapi hidup kita tetap di atur tuhan. sebab itu, yang nak menentukan sama ada pilihan kita tepat ataupun tak, cuma tuhan.

berbalik kepada tajuk asal tadi di mana situasi nak stay ataupun pergi. kalau kita pilih untuk stay dengan someone, sampai masa kalau allah cakap dia bukan untuk kita. tetap akan terpisah. itu takdir, jangan pertikai. kalau kita pilih untuk pergi, jauh pergi beribu benua pun, dah allah cakap dia untuk kita. jumpa balik. itu takdir. semua takdir. it is all about TAKDIR, tuhan dah janji redha dan akur dengan takdir Dia, Allah kurnia nikmat ganjaran yang kita tak jangka.

nampak tak kita langsung takda kuasa melainkan bergantung pada yang ESA.

     - the right things to do is, buat pilihan, dan berserah. Allah cakap ya, ya. Allah cakap tak, tak.


goodnight penghuni dunia.




-penulis jalanan-

babybog :')

oh mai god i got my blog back!!!! welcome home baby!!

alright, it just a short reunion with my baby. ignore it.


hi, people. dont know who you are, who is willing to read all of this kind of stupid thing. maybe i shouldnt said my baby is such a stupid thing. sorry babybog (i found it just a new name for my blog heeeee)

it kinda a very long time i didnt write anything on this, it just because i ve lived in my new life here, sarawak. about a years ago, i came and studied here in diploma of engineering of agriculture. still got 2 sem to be settled down so yah quite terrible because im in a mess of life you know like nyawa di hujung tanduk because im out of my expectation to get a much higherrrrrr pointer but i dont get it. that is so sad. you guys might not feel me. im sure.

in my past, when i was in sem 2, i had the most tragedic series in my life. A closed fracture on my right hand. the doc said it is not just two part which is broken, but actually its more to, hancur :) tulang hancur you know. i had kept this secret from much people, because i dont want them to know YANG AKU SEBENARNYA ADA TULANG CACAT. thats why dah lama dah operation aku settle but im still cant be able to do the normal stuff easily. its because, tulang aku still tak elok. eventhough i can ride a motocycle but still kalau tersalah cara it could be worst than ever. it look simple, but deeper i swear.

kau bayangkan eh, alamak sori terkasar lak ayat sori :( i just want to make you guys really get into my situation. ok sambung, kau bayangkan eh, rakan seperjuangan kau tengah bertarung nak ambil test, pung pang pung baca notes do a revision at library, while me, has to make decision whether to do the operation or not. its operation ok bukan benda kecil. dengan takda family nya sini. you have to do all the thing by your self. masa tu aku memang blank habis. berjalan lemah longlai ke dobby hospital, terduduk kat kerusi, and then... burst.. into the tears :') there is nothing else i can do. kau tak operate, kau takleh nak teruskan ambil exam. nak2 pulak masa sem 2 tu aku ambil LK(lukisan kejuruteraan) ohh more worse. lecturer pulak doesnt want to give me chance or even to consider.

so what happen? i took the decision to have an operation. 2 kali operate, first masuk besi second buang balik besi. i dont want to remember how that jarum bius tu tembus tulang belulang aku. sumpah sakit. i swear never want to feel it anymore. NEVER. AND. EVER.

masa sem 1, my pointer was really good. absolutely i can continue to get more higher than that. tapi, apakan daya. allah maha mengatur segala. sem 2 aku jatuh merudum. bukan setakat jatuh. tapi terjunam. aku tak salahkan takdir, ada benda yang maybe aku buat dosa dengan tangan aku ni. sampai allah hadirkan kifarah. aku redha.

started from that, aku dah semakin susah nak kejar balik pointer. jumlah credit makin banyak. so yaaa... uhmm its ok. still struggle by my own, on my table in my room at hostel. alone. how's know, little effort could bring a huge impact ;)


see you again people! in my upcoming next post. love ya




-penulis jalanan-